Saturday, 30 July 2011

• fade

  I want to make entries... before the pathway to his memories in my brain is erased. Sometimes when i'm walking or sitting or just doing something random, i have a memory of what we used to do. It's also part of my campaign to remember the good and dump the bad to unpoison myself. 

   

  1. christmas 2008, we walked in the crowded town looking at the lights and skits. There was a christian skit and he found a spot so we could sit down. It was simple, i liked it

  2. I coined a term 'g-spot' for him..which means gucci spot... hehe so ingenious right. but it's his ticklish spot ;p

  3. we were at esplanade sitting down beside the river.. talking ?? then this man came up and preached to us and obviousssly i dont agree with his charismatic principles but i just sulked and walked off haha didn't dare show ben my mean side (yet!) Then after a few min, i came back, walked right up to him and hugged him.. I dont know why. I think i felt bad for ditching him. And he hugged me back. That was our first hug and he felt nice ^.^ Then we met this angmoh couple that wanted us to take a photo of them by the stage near the river, then they wanted to take a photo of US (coz they thought we were a couple) then i acted blur coz i didnt wanna take with him alone haha too shyyy >.< so i think the first photos we took together were at his birthday in the flyer.. submitted to the persistent requests of the birthday boy -.-

  4. at fort canning hill, i was lying on top of him nestled near his chest/neck.. and i asked if this "hard thing" was his belt buckle cause it was pressing against me and it hurt. So he adjusted it lah. We werent dating yet! Then few months later he admitted that it was an erection -.-"

  5. Our kiss at esplanade rooftop. It was about 4 seconds long, nicest ever. Maybe it was his thick fat lips? He said it was because its the honeymoon period. I think it's magical because both of us were scared and vulnerable so.. the kiss felt real. 

  6. He smsed me "I love you." He said he wanted to meet me the day after we first kissed. I thought the kiss was a mistake..I thought we couldn't work out. He wanted to meet me to "talk to me" but I had already made plans after work. I was in the train..on the way home. I was standing near the window when the sms came in. I saw those words and time seemed to stop. I didn't feel happy.. I felt shocked. Cause I knew that if anyone of us broke off from at this stage onwards, it's be painful. The way he said it seemed so serious & final. He seemed so sure that this was the truth and it'd made me wanna believe him with my whole heart.

  7. We would play while kissing sometimes. I think I'd bite his lips so he can't escape. I think once he bit my finger (?? sigh my memory's fading) and i remember distinctly cause i pulled away too fast so i grazed my finger on his teeth and it hurt :( i scolded him for biting so painfully but he said it's coz i pulled away too fast..which was true! hes quite smart in unnecessary ways -.-

  8. He called me "baby" first... but i was too shy and didnt dare be mushy (yet....), so I changed my name to "tummy" in his phone. So that name stuck! I think he called me baby cause I was precious to him. He used to call me his treasure too..

  9. around christmas period in dec 2008, we always hung out. I remember we were at starbucks at the old singtel building before it closed down and we were on the couch and he was always wanting to lie on my lap in front of the whole world to see!! even at starbucks at liat. He liked his mocha frap. I think that period, for once it did feel like christmas holidays.. maybe cause i spent it with someone i liked? lazing about and doing holiday stuff?? 

  10. Once in borders 2008 year-end hols, robyn ben and me were there checking out the childrens section and he was sitting down leaning against a bookshelf. there was a book that was jutting out above his head and i pushed it out a bit further and it plopped on his head with a loud THOK and i was like shiiiiizz i didnt mean for that to be so pain!! haha then i quickly went to rub his head. I think that's the first time i touched his hair. I think i realised then i had a soft spot for him coz i wouldnt bother to rub a normal friend's head!

  11. YC 2008, he was sleeping on two chairs put together outside -.- i went over..at first i didnt know it was him then i recognizes his jacket i think. I pulled down the jacket gently and his one eye opened slowly  that was kinda magical too. i did like him being so babyish + precious. but i guess in a relationship the male needs to be a 'man' too?? and he was so poor thing! he slept outside coz the library's a/c was too cold n the remote control didnt work hahah hes really funny even whenever he stays at his friends house he'll suffer sometimes coz the a/c too cold n he'll complain i always wanna laugh at him for being weak but i didnt wanna be mean XP (ok luh im also scared of cold but at least i'm a GIRL!!) and one morning he didnt wanna get his hands dirty so he refused to finish eating his prata (braaat!) then i fed him with my fingers coz i alr touched my prata :P  okay i guess that was kinda inappropriate in a church setting :P 

  12. I remember how i started calling him Mr Jiggles cause in 2007 YC he was indignant when lydia threw away a live frog he caught -.- then he jiggled with his hips while  questioning her hahah so funny. then once he was sitting alone at lunch then i asked him to join my table. He said he was alone cause he ate the slowest so everyone had left T.T

  13. he came over one night after a house party feb 2011..he said he missed me. i was surprised coz it was so soon after we decided to try again. i let him stay over. i asked for a massage and he gave me a proper one! i was so happy... so rare... like he did a good job and didnt seem to expect anything in return. we fell asleep holding hands and woke up with sweaty palms. yuk.

  14. what brought us closer together during his sec3 hols... PSP!! some music finger game that i forgot its name :p he could play the most difficult levels and the fastest songs when i couldnt and........... i secretly admired him  he was really kind w/o even liking me too then. he would offer to lend me his psp to bring home or let me hog it ;p i remember we met at taka once, i was waiting for him on a bench in B1 and he came up from behind and plopped his psp in my hands hehe. i was crazy about the game then.

  15. standard chartered marathon 2008... hopefully one day we can run a marathon together and be those disgusting annoying couples that hold hands and run to piss others off..hehe. start making out halfway while running. hehehe. okay not coz we're romantic but just being childish. also, he was so shy about his biceps then but he wanted to meet me after his run.. he said while running he thought of me coz i told him jm thought of danna as his motivation. when i was training for my 21km run he always offered to run with me at my house but i didnt want coz so faaar for him and i didnt dare look unglam in front of him then hehe insecurity issues :x

  16. when we eat meals we normally sit beside each other....too manja?? and i got so used to it that if he sat opposite me like normal couples do, i'd feel he was too far away! he brought out his baby photo album once too when we went to eat at shokudo at raffles city. It was fun :D He said his albums were nicely arranged according to age ._.

  17. him singing maggie may by rod stewart on the phone.. he said his dad likes rod stewart! and he tried to hit aalll the high notes of that song and serenaded to me :D

  18. whenever we departed..we'd have a super long dramatic kiss before i went on the bus or he left the train. and we'd keep puckering up while he walked away even tho there were other people around ... ugggh we must have been so disgusting! i always felt shy but i pushed it out just to reciprocate for fun. i think it'd be really fun if we did that when we were old, wrinkly and fat :D

  19. we spent NYE 2008 together..at padang. just the two of us. no friends to distract us.. we went right into the middle. he had a bottle of some sort of alcohol which he opened on a pole (??) he sat down and pulled me lie down on the grass with him.. he knew i didnt wanna dirty my hair so he offered his arm and i could lie on it :) that was special.

  20. after yp i think, we walked over to bukit merah central.. we saw a rainbow. we were in the middle of some hdb estate and we weave thru blocks and climbed up some stairs to get a better view til the clouds came..we were both sooo excited! so silly but it was pure..

  21. he used to always be so fast to jump into my bed. its like he was happily anticipating some action and so guai waiting in bed =.= whenever we went out, he'd always wanna check the color of my undies! he'd recite in a sing-song voice "today what colourr?" if only this was during my honeymoon phase..he's so impatient! i'd definitely invest in pretty lingerie after i'm married :D he'd always fight with me for the bolster too at my house or his -.- 

  22. in movies he'd always hug me..even tho secretly it made me more uncomfortable for me to sit :x but at the start, during the scary parts he'd put his arms around me and hug me when he saw me being distressed. we werent dating yet. he was very good at empathy.. he was a soft guy

  23. when i kissed him on the cheek in the dark at GR 2010, he nearly fell off his seat!! that was too funny. note to self: do that again with next bf

  24. back cracks! new bf must learn how to do that ;) ughh getting ooolddd

  25. he tried to teach me how to whistle but whenever i puckered up he'd kiss me. so i never learnt how to whistle from him ._.

  26. the big struggle i had during his Os. i pushed him to do well and subconsciously gave him the pressure he had to study to please me. and i finally overcame that hurdle when i recommited myself and proclaimed that i'd love him the same anyway even if he failed his Os. 

  27. when he used to find me at cbd for lunch. those were the fun times! i remember once we sat outside the gym and it was so windy and we were impressed with this pool mingled with greenery on the 9th floor of the building! and at starbucks, i made him look away once and put my cup full of whipped cream so that when he turned back his nose would kena ;) he never fell for it again. another time when i gave him the drink to sip i pushed the cream to his nose.. he got really spiteful :/ he has a vengeful streak this boy ._. (and i think that time the honeymoon period ended also..)

  28. he told me over the phone once why he stopped bringing his dogs for walks. coz his female dog gave up walking and he had to carry her home! >.< shes huuuge!~

  29. i went clubbing for em's bday aug 2009 :( i think coz i didnt club for so long i didnt know how to gauge my alcohol! and i had migraine for the next MONTH and it'd come on and off.. then once he was studying at raffles city with his friends. I was around there doing errands and the migraine came and i just had to sit down :( then he came over (i bet he was happy to escape from his studies too heh) then i just laid on his lap and cried coz it was so pain!! but it was very comforting and i was sooooo glad he was with me sayanging my head or i'd be alone X(

  30. he pulled up my pants while jm, danna, joan sum were talking at yc 09..he just walked over n pulled my pants! so pieseh. think sherman saw! but so sweet too ;) Abc 09 we were in a hotel in malacca and the top flor was dark and deserted. we went up once n there was a sofa there..i sat on it and he plopped on my lap! i was supeeeer shy coz danna and jm were there :x

  31. our first movie was magadascar.. he said he was cold and he put his hand in the inside of my elbow to warm it up. then my hands got cold but i didnt wanna complain coz he was so young but he found out n he got worried =.=

  32. i used to pull his.. chin hair -.- it's quite shiok to pull out. he preferred to pluck out his chin hair to his upper lip. i didnt think that time that he was new to puberty and those things could have been fascinating to him ;)

  33. whenever he surprised me..or whenever we met, i would run into his arms and he would catch me. He would wait for me at my stairs. I remember feeling elated just seeing him the first time for that day. Even if i had a sian day at work, tired, whatever.. i was happy to see him. He would have a big smile on his face too.  Esp those when he surprised me, i really cherish them..even tho he's young and poor. 

  34. LAP SPASMS! he is the ultimate spasm king when he sleepsss. i remember the first time he spasmed on my lap in the bus. he had hockey training earlier that day. and it surprised me. he would always sleep on my lap afterwards..when we met after his sch. now that i've work i know how tiring it was for him :/ he was never grumpy but just insisted on sleeping on my lap! he'd eat his dinner really fast or got tired while chewing then he'd plop down on my lap and it'd look like im the only one eating at the table looking like a pig >.<

  35. he squeezed my arm so hard once in 2008. i remember it was so outrageously painful it surprised me. we were outside taka waiting for the traffic light so we could cross the road to paragon. he kissed my arm coz he bruised me -.- it was really funny! like just bent down quickly and smacked it in a jiffy i was caught off guard! he bruised me *each* time i went out with him..until we started dating so he could kiss me then the bruises stopped -.-"

  36. we stayed out late the first time. we were sitting at the steps outside paragon. i wasnt keen on staying out late but he was so eager and i felt bad cause he had to take taxi home. he hugged me and i was 'taller' than him cause he was a step down. and his face was on my chest. well above my boobs lah. then i brushed my lips on his forehead..why i cannot remember x.x but i was so shy i hoped he didnt notice ~.~

  37. I went up a double decker bus..sudden reminiscent about him poking or smacking my butt by putting his hand under my skirt when i climbed up the steps before him =.= it was really crude!

  38. he said he dreamt of me dying before..and he pee-ed in bed -.-" so funny!! i can imagine his mom trying to keep a straight face while he told her about why his bed was wet. he said he laid in bed and imagined me dying before too. i think i was sick or something. then he said he thought about it and nearly cried and realised he was being silly cause i was still alive o.0

  39. GR 2008....................

  40. We went to sentosa for his 17th birthday. He prayed for a meal the first time with me and we danced on the beach to no song while waiting for our pizza. I knew it's not his cuppa tea but he just did it to entertain me :p

  41. dancing with him in phuture. it was my first time ever to club with a boyfriend (: it was fun and special. going home together was good too ;) save $ on cab fare

  42. hand squeezes. when we held hands, a 3 time squeeze meant "i love you". the other person will squeeze 4 times back. on really childish days, we'll squeeze each other like a hundred times!

  43. him putting me in front of his scooter :D we did it a few times when he was in sec4 coz i'd go find him around his house area. it was really fun i suppose coz i had the whole view since i was in front n he stood behind :p i do cherish the simple silly childish things that i suppose a boyfriend my age would never do and try to impress me with a car instead ._.

  44. we went to a museum that had original artifacts of the dead sea scrolls. I dunno how come we ended up going there.. he's kinda more artsy than me so i guess it benefited him more?? but that time..we already were having hard times, but i remember that evening was really nice (i.e. no quarrels) he piggybacked me now and then, when he saw something interesting he'd call me over to check it out. It felt like a nice simple date :)

  45. Youth camp 2008..we were sitting together during singing or reflection and we had our jackets over us cause we were cold but our hands were touching each other's arms or dunno what..tickling each other??? -_- i bet he first time touch girl!! Also he always kept bugging me to take photos with him then he'd complain he didnt know how to smile properly -.-

  46. going to botanic gardens.. we saw a couple walking their dog and he said we were gonna do that next time too  Also, him jumping over a FENCE to dash for his bus.. after botanic gardens.. i remember..clinging onto him while he clung onto the poles in the bus as inertia swung us. Then he'd send me home and i'd toss a packet drink outside my grill gate for him ..  and i'd worry my mom would see his silhouette through the frosted window!

  47. i left the keys to my house where he could retrieve them and let himself in once.. i left post it notes all over the place..where to get his food..where to get his towel...and finally joining me in bed cause i was sleeping. i think i had work so i wanted to nap in the afternoon. he kept the post its even tho they were ugly scribbles :/ if i knew he was gonna keep 'em i would have used nicer paper + handwriting! 

  48. i think it was 1:23 p.m.  7/8/9 or some numerical running order in time and date and he messaged me something about love so that the running numbers would be recorded in my SMS :) he was poo-ing while he did it. Also i sent him something on 10:10 am, 10/10/10. Haha less complicated. I'm remembering now because today's 11/11/11.

  49. he bought me a stalk of tulip once.. and he hid behind a pillar at lido. he was so shy. so cheapo but still so precious on hindsight! also gave me chocolates cause i said i was pmsy ._. He met me once after his tp orientation at bugis..i was unhappy cause he made me wait so long :( but it wasnt his fault..and he talked n talked to me about all the things he did that day and i was happy. cause it's been so long since we had a nice chat..like how we used to even before we started dating. Like little things that we thought or felt.. it's nice to have someone safe to talk to..that you can let your guard down with and be yourself.

  50. he piggybacked me up the steps at fort canning..he got so tired! he had to stop halfway to catch his breath. but he didnt put me down..i felt his body temp going up as we climbed the stairs..and he was sweating by the last step! heh he was my super hero last timeI remember in 2008? 

  51. he persuaded me to go for YP games day... I wasn't planning on going coz i felt too old and left out. Haha more left out lah. But i was glad i went and he was there playing ping pong. Oh yea he enjoyed ping pong that time.

  52.  My mom randomly brought up the pizza place at ghim moh. We used to like to eat there.. the pizza was yums! Once I had to go to the atm which was a bit far away and took a while. Then he came to find me which surprised me! I think he was worried??? cannot be he missed me coz I was gone like 5-10 min only. Then another time at Jurong point when I had to go to the basement to withdraw money and i got grumpy coz the queue was really long n he was waiting on the top floor food court but came down to find me and tried to surprise me hahah but the "where are you where are you" over the phone kinda gave it away i think. 

  53. during the 2nd round this year, we went to holland v just to drink beer, the 2 of us.. then i dunno what i was rambling on about but he said "dont make me kiss you ah!" to stop me from talking  such a clever bargain! there was once before we started dating too and he bought an expensive porter bag.. okay lah none of my business coz it was his money but i just kept rambling in front of taka while waiting for the traffic light! he put his hand over my mouth and grabbed me from behind to shut me up >.< and once when i was really mad at the traffic jams coz i took a bus to town to meet him n was really late n i just kept rambling but he kept kissing me to shut me up hehe. whenever he let go i'd start rambling again then he'd kiss me again so this went on for a while hehehe. 

  54. we went thomson plaza once..i cant rmb for what. maybe study? he stuffed 20 over marshmallows in his mouth to show off >.< he's weird!! i didnt know how to react :p but when i left, i took the bus from the opp direction from him. he walked me to my bus stop..waited for my bus and til i get on the bus.. :) he was so sweet last time. then he'd hide behind the bridge til i left so i wouldnt see him but i still spotted him -.- coz i told him no need to wait for me..

  55. once i waited for him at anchorpoint and he came after fg. he said he rain for the bus but tripped at the road divider and he hurt his ankle :/  he was half limping when he met me.. poor baby!

  56. he has smaller than average nipples >.< that he is slightly shy about..... well, i'm not sure about now. he also has a mole on his thigh that grows HAIR o.O

  57. there was this dead big, FAT lizard outside mandarin gallery on the way towards cine.. i didnt realise it until i stopped walking. Then he saw what i saw then he just hugged me for like, 10 secs cause it was so traumatizing!!! it was squashed lah i think its eyes nearly popped out.. URGH! 

  58. when he played this piano piece from "Secret" by jay chou. he was so eager to share with me coz it was a difficult and fast piece but yet shy cause he knew it wasnt gonna be perfect :P but anyway i still appreciated it cause i couldnt tell the mistakes he made! he played it at dw after yp..and after we walked down to the 1st floor, clement was walking in front and he sneaked a kiss on my cheek X)

  59. he'd stick his hand out towards the back and expect me to hold it whenever he wanted to hold my hand w/o looking back -.- so confident i will hold it meh?! once i tried to quickly grab his friend's hand to put it in his hand coz he wasnt looking as usual, but he turned around after i took to long to put his friend's hand into his hand >.< 

  60. I cant remember exactly how him playing with my thumb turned into him holding my hand for real. I think it started 2008 nye.. it was crowded in marina square and he grabbed onto my hand to navigate us through the crowds.. :) 

  61. i remembered when constance, him and i (i think someone else too) went to changi expo to collect our materials for standard chartered run 2008. He hooked his finger in my bag the whole time so he would stand slightly behind me when we queued up. Con suspected then sth was funny haha but i didnt know. He was still a kiddy twerp to me. I liked those times which he piggybacked me.. okay not many but yeah :) I think even when i'm 40 i'm gonna pounce on my husband and get him to piggy back me :D 

  62. at dw bball court there was a ball coming my way. he didnt sit close beside me but was beside and he reached out to smack the ball away for me :) 2008

  63. for christmas 2008, i bought him eye covers to wear at night because he always complained that the sun is too bright in the morning (like me hehe) but i got him a girl's pair by accident i think?? then he said it was too tight and his eyeballs felt like popping out XP I think in 2008 dec we hung out more because i was jobless and he had holidays so we were the only free people..

  64. when i was going to bangkok dec 09, he came to my block downstairs before i went to the airport.. he told me he was at his friend's house and i didnt believe that he came to my house. so it was a nice surprise! at 7am!

  65. once we arranged to meet outside ion and it was already dark and there were many silhouettes. he was on the phone with me and directed me to where he was but he kept giving me stupid directions like "turn left left left"! and another time outside iluma i was waiting for him coz he went to the toilet. the pillars were kinda large so i tried to hide behind it while he circled round n round heh. he was really scared to lose me last time :p big baby. and when he wanted to pee urgently (or poop?) at plaza sing, i didnt let him go off easily and that's how ju ju came about for his ahem. i used my fingers to imply it was really tiny and then he opened his arms wide to indicate its length before running into the toilet o.O

  66. we went to watch a rugby match early 2010 with his friends, then it started pouring. we left early and ran in the rain. he nearly fell too. i asked him if he regrets leaving his friends early, he said no cause he said running in the rain with me was fun (??) but he got rashes after -.- i wish i got along better with his friends then, so he wouldnt feel torn between us.

  67. after GR 2010.. I think we had just made up after a spat... and his parents were sending me home. And he whispered I love you and touched my hand in the back seat. And i pretended I couldnt hear him whisper and asked him to say it louder and louder but he was too chicken! 

  68. we were around beach road for thai food, in the bus we were standing near the bus driver.. then we kissed. Was no tongue whatever! just a muack on his fat lips maybe 2x?? then the driver said cannot kiss -.-" Then after dinner he kept pestering me to sing so he could harmonize haha hes really not bad! 

  69. he called me "tummy"... or "darlinggg" when he wants something -.- but.. i realised he never called me "tummy" in anger. He always used it in tenderness  (which makes me think i should have chosen for myself a nicer nickname like angel or chocolate cupcake! ) I also had a sudden reminiscent.. in cinemas in the dark, i'd frequently turned around just to kiss him. Or him me. Cant remember! But it was a familiarity. Heh coz I was in the cinema today.

  70. when i created a new email account for him during one of our breakups. he said his hotmail got hacked and i didnt know what user id to use so i thought of bnjmngoh, coz bnjmngh seemed like a typo error -.- but after that he said he created a new acc but without the "o"! i used to admire how we our wavelengths were similar..

  71. whenever we're in a lift or escalator or leaning against the wall in a train..we'd flop onto one another! it's like some magnet that pulls our bodies together. hahaha. or maybe he's just nice to lean into. its crazy though..all the small moments that make you think that the world is alright and there's the "forget your troubles" (haha okayokay its cliche ahem.) But i'm thankful that i was loved at one point in my life!

   

  Yep. Beautiful imperfection. He came up with that phrase. I believed him when he said it too. 

   

   

   

   

  ps: Ben, if i die before you, take down (www.xanga.com/acuriousfact) the entries being public! The only one that knows it is you and i dont want people to accidentally stumble onto it. Thanks!

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